PASSING THROUGH PARENT-HELL: FROM PARADISE TO
LOS ANGELES (orig. posted on JULY 25, 2018)

Our recent airplane adventure from California to Maine (and back) with our 9 year-old girl and 6 year-old twin boys was, let’s just say…colorful. (Yeah, “colorful.” I like that.)

(published first on Facebook (Amy Kurland [Sorkin]) on July 23, 2018

So one of the big complaints about facebook, which is valid, is that everyone shows the best parts and times of their lives. What they don’t share are the less agreeable, messier happenings, like today, when our family of 5 was unexpectedly delayed for an hour inside our plane departing from Maine, then because of the delay, when we arrived at Chicago O’Hare, we all needed to run like we were in a race through a crowded airport, through a corridor, down a long escalator, across the walking conveyor belt, up another escalator – with all of us carrying backpacks (me carrying a purse and another heavy bag that hurt my shoulder) – only to miss our connecting flight by 10 minutes. Then we needed to wait in a long line while dad set up overnight plans and a plane flight home for the next day, while I took our daughter – who had been dying to go to the bathroom since before the running adventure – to the bathroom, and when I got back the boys had started (understandably) playing with the fabric line dividers, unattaching them from the poles (is there an age when this actually stops?), and they start getting all riled up in general because they’ve barely exercised all day and were just stuck for hours in a plane, and then 10 minutes later one of the boys, who had chosen NOT to go to the bathroom when his sister had, suddenly REALLY HAS TO GO and he starts almost crying and I have to take him, and when we get to the family restroom for some reason he doesn’t want to go into it, and because I lack the patience at this point to be open to other options, and because this really is the best place for him to go, I end up literally pushing him in (people watching) and he fights me and clings his hands to the sides of the door frame in resistance and I have to peel off his hands one at a time while still pushing him in and he is big and strong (and all this resistance when he said he had to go “soooo badly!”) and finally he goes. Then we return to the others and he and his brother start running in circles around the people in line and I make an effort to try to stop them (while dad is busy planning) but they are a whirlwind and I am understandably irritated and I lack the energy to (once again) threaten to take away a privilege or physically stop them, so we have become those parents who can’t control their kids (true that) and we finally, finally make it out of the airport. And it’s a seemingly longish walk to the shuttle but things settle down and we get to the hotel without our luggage, which already went to Los Angeles, by the way. Then when we go out to dinner later, two of the kids start name-calling and kicking and hitting at the table, and at one point all three were crying, and I cussed (I call it CIIC: Child-Induced Involuntary Cussing) and one kid keeps saying he’s hungry, kinda crying, and the food comes but the server mistakenly thought we only wanted one order of burger sliders but we wanted two, and the plate went first to the closest brother, the one who wasn’t crying about being hungry and when I told the crying one that he could have one of his brother’s burgers while he waits for his order to come, he got more upset because he wanted his own order, and because he was hungry and tired and had rejected the available burger, he cried instead of eating.

Finally the drama – so apropos for Chicago – winded down and came to a close, as it always does (but never seems like it will when it’s happening) and if anyone is reading this who is thinking about having kids or thinking about having more kids, this is what it’s often like but I wouldn’t trade it and I’m grateful for the craziness and although tonight I’m exhausted and a bit sore I wanted to write this out so we remember this adventure. Then tomorrow we’ll wake up at 5:00am to get our flight home so goodnight everyone goodnight!